fumbling towards ecstasy

i really need to run. three-months-ago-me would never have believed it, but i love to run. i want to push myself and then in the last minute push harder. i want to exhaust myself. it feels good to sweat, inhale sharply, exhale more calmly, to exist, to feel my heart racing, muscles burning. i swear i had an out-of-body experience running one clear day in october. i watched my shadow bouncing in front of me and suddenly i was watching something altogether unrelated to me. the shadow moved along and i felt nothing. no body, no aching or movement. i floated and looked at the shadow below, fascinated.